The union of my late wife and I was blessed during a Sunday morning worship service, January 6, 2013, at St Gregory's Episcopal Church in Athens, GA. Our reception was immediately after the service during coffee hour. It was a glorious day and our church was packed, overflow seating in the narthex, to celebrate with us.
Thank you so much for this. I was a child of a conservative church. When I came out to my mother when I was 16, her response was, "you will feel better when you have a boyfriend." I don't resent her but I came to understand that I had no option other than "to have a boyfriend" and then, a husband. So, I did. And he was abusive. It was a painful 27 years. I came out more publicly 5 years ago. I'm about to turn 65. My whole body relaxed when I finally decided I could be open. I have vacilated between wanting to be a part of church and also not. In 2020 I became active in a United Methodist open and affirming congregation. The pastor was suspended in 2015 for one month after she married a lesbian couple. I found a spiritual home there, and have come to understand further the fight that many Christians have been engaged in for the LGBTQ community. Today I am a seminary student of Theopoetics and Writing. I am deeply grateful for all those who have gone before, preparing a place at the table.
It was special to read your quotation from Peter Gomes. He was a dear friend of my husband. Both were ministers for 40 years in their respective pulpits, Peter at Harvard Memorial Church and Gary at The Church of the Pilgrimage in Peter's home town of Plymouth, MA. Peter's last sermon before his stroke was my husband's retirement service. Peter preached in our church every Labor Day weekend for years and years. He and Gary would often sit around talking theology and in the late 90's early 2000's about Celtic spirituality, Thin Places and as those moments where the Spirit moves back and forth between Heaven and Earth. They would add, "to speak Metaphorically at our meaning".
Thanks for the reminder that so often the slow work of social change happens through our faith communities. In the work I do, I mostly get called into entrenched congregations to help them try to "get unstuck." So the stories you offered are a great reminder of all the faith communities leading the way toward true beloved community.
What sticks in my mind is the reception our UCC church got when we, with other churches, put a unit in the DC Pride parade. I didn’t take part the first year, but did in later years. The folks from that first group spoke about how they were so nervous about the response they’d get before the parade started--and then were floored by the joyful, sometimes tearful response they received all along the parade route. They were treated like rock stars, and that reception repeated for years.
Sadly, I have left a Methodist Church where for 35 years I raised my boys, taught Bible School, sang in the choir and loved being a wedding hostess. Last month 72% of the congregation voted to disaffiliate after misinformation and fear mongering won out, led by a pastor who is retiring and a District Superintendent who wants his job. Fortunately another Methodist church is nearby and I have become involved there. It is disheartening to watch a church argue and divide over who someone can love.
When I look back on my 24 years of serving as Senior Pastor at Plymouth Church UCC, Lawrence, Kansas the day I am proudest of is the day in April 2004 when we voted to become an Open and Affirming congregation. Some left the church. But, in the ensuing years many more came. When I asked these folks, "what attracted you to Plymouth?" The answer I received again and again was this, "You care about justice."
In the late 80s and 90s I became involved with our teachers’ union in California. I can’t tell you how many arguments and debates occurred about this issue on the floor our our governing body. Your description of the slow change in attitudes is true of other groups besides Christian groups (my own Episcopal church went through these same issues and lost many people to decisions made at the national level). I got to witness this change in teachers’ attitudes first hand. I was around when our first openly gay president of the California Teachers Association (and a good friend) was elected. This was in 2007 and we quickly became embroiled in the fight against Prop. 8. When CTA came out against this awful proposition and gave money for the effort, we got tons of mail from our own teacher members angry at what we had done. Our governing group supported us, however. We lost that campaign, but won the broader war when it was overturned. My own views changed as a result from the mid 80s to now. It is unthinkable to me that people can be so judged and determined that they do not have the rights others have. We are moving in the right direction, even with all the hate that still exists in our political discourse.
Wonderful article. I was reminded of the time in the “ mid - oughts” when our Assistant Rector’s partner had been put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy and our Assistant Rector was deferring marriage because she wanted to be married in an Episcopal church by an Episcopal priest and our Bishop had not come around yet. Someone reminded her that if anything happened to her partner she would not have custody of their baby. So they ended up being married by an Episcopal priest over the telephone from her partner’s hospital room! Fortunately this story has a happy ending - baby was born healthy and both mamas and baby are doing well and thriving.
Thank you for your recognizing the need for loving perseverance. And the joy of openly expressing love for all God’s children. God grant me the love and perseverance to attend to the needs and actions of other’s who will skew this act of equality and justice in favor of Christian Nationalism. But for now Thanks and Praise.
Thank you, Diana, - and those who have commented already - for the recognition that Love never stops Loving and changes the world. The signing of the Respect for Marriage Act is case in point.
Some years back, the question came up as to whether or not same sex couples could be married in our Disciples of Christ/Christian Church congregation. The response was an amazing open conversation. Everyone who had ever been called to be an elder (about a hundred people) was invited to a meeting with the three ordained ministers. Everyone who wanted to speak was allowed a turn. The ministers emphasized that this church has only two sacraments: baptism and communion. (And communion is open to anyone who wants to take it.) But there are many, many other kinds of activities, celebrations and memorials that are held within the building. All couples who wish to be married in the building must receive premarital counseling from one of the ministers and attend services of this church for at least a month. During the counseling period that minister working with the couple may help them to decide whether to go through with the wedding - or may decide that they are not yet ready to make that commitment. The ministers agreed that any couple who wished to be married in that church building would be held to the same requirements and guidelines (including expenses for preparing and cleaning the sanctuary). I kept dreading the moment that all this would come to a "yes" or "no" vote. But that didn't happen. The group came to a strong consensus that it would be up to each minister, in the course of the premarital counseling, to decide if they would be comfortable performing the ceremony for this couple. None of them are against LGBTQ+ marriages per se, but they do keep seriously the mutual commitment of any marriage. I love my congregation so much!!
We are called to serve others and not judge. Why is it so important that we allow the judging of others left to God? Because when we judge we place hatred in our hearts. You cannot serve someone you have judged. That is the very heart of oppression; deciding your right and the other is wrong. From my own personal relationship with God I believe in man/woman marriage. We are put on this earth to procreate. Why? Because we need the support of families. Another thing we’ve allowed the church to say doesn’t matter. I also wonder why we are letting people believe the most important thing in life is sex. Serving God, creating families and relationships. These are gifts.
The union of my late wife and I was blessed during a Sunday morning worship service, January 6, 2013, at St Gregory's Episcopal Church in Athens, GA. Our reception was immediately after the service during coffee hour. It was a glorious day and our church was packed, overflow seating in the narthex, to celebrate with us.
Thank you so much for this. I was a child of a conservative church. When I came out to my mother when I was 16, her response was, "you will feel better when you have a boyfriend." I don't resent her but I came to understand that I had no option other than "to have a boyfriend" and then, a husband. So, I did. And he was abusive. It was a painful 27 years. I came out more publicly 5 years ago. I'm about to turn 65. My whole body relaxed when I finally decided I could be open. I have vacilated between wanting to be a part of church and also not. In 2020 I became active in a United Methodist open and affirming congregation. The pastor was suspended in 2015 for one month after she married a lesbian couple. I found a spiritual home there, and have come to understand further the fight that many Christians have been engaged in for the LGBTQ community. Today I am a seminary student of Theopoetics and Writing. I am deeply grateful for all those who have gone before, preparing a place at the table.
It was special to read your quotation from Peter Gomes. He was a dear friend of my husband. Both were ministers for 40 years in their respective pulpits, Peter at Harvard Memorial Church and Gary at The Church of the Pilgrimage in Peter's home town of Plymouth, MA. Peter's last sermon before his stroke was my husband's retirement service. Peter preached in our church every Labor Day weekend for years and years. He and Gary would often sit around talking theology and in the late 90's early 2000's about Celtic spirituality, Thin Places and as those moments where the Spirit moves back and forth between Heaven and Earth. They would add, "to speak Metaphorically at our meaning".
Thanks for the reminder that so often the slow work of social change happens through our faith communities. In the work I do, I mostly get called into entrenched congregations to help them try to "get unstuck." So the stories you offered are a great reminder of all the faith communities leading the way toward true beloved community.
What sticks in my mind is the reception our UCC church got when we, with other churches, put a unit in the DC Pride parade. I didn’t take part the first year, but did in later years. The folks from that first group spoke about how they were so nervous about the response they’d get before the parade started--and then were floored by the joyful, sometimes tearful response they received all along the parade route. They were treated like rock stars, and that reception repeated for years.
Sadly, I have left a Methodist Church where for 35 years I raised my boys, taught Bible School, sang in the choir and loved being a wedding hostess. Last month 72% of the congregation voted to disaffiliate after misinformation and fear mongering won out, led by a pastor who is retiring and a District Superintendent who wants his job. Fortunately another Methodist church is nearby and I have become involved there. It is disheartening to watch a church argue and divide over who someone can love.
When I look back on my 24 years of serving as Senior Pastor at Plymouth Church UCC, Lawrence, Kansas the day I am proudest of is the day in April 2004 when we voted to become an Open and Affirming congregation. Some left the church. But, in the ensuing years many more came. When I asked these folks, "what attracted you to Plymouth?" The answer I received again and again was this, "You care about justice."
In the late 80s and 90s I became involved with our teachers’ union in California. I can’t tell you how many arguments and debates occurred about this issue on the floor our our governing body. Your description of the slow change in attitudes is true of other groups besides Christian groups (my own Episcopal church went through these same issues and lost many people to decisions made at the national level). I got to witness this change in teachers’ attitudes first hand. I was around when our first openly gay president of the California Teachers Association (and a good friend) was elected. This was in 2007 and we quickly became embroiled in the fight against Prop. 8. When CTA came out against this awful proposition and gave money for the effort, we got tons of mail from our own teacher members angry at what we had done. Our governing group supported us, however. We lost that campaign, but won the broader war when it was overturned. My own views changed as a result from the mid 80s to now. It is unthinkable to me that people can be so judged and determined that they do not have the rights others have. We are moving in the right direction, even with all the hate that still exists in our political discourse.
Despite the divisions we have lived thru, and maybe because of them I am so proud of our Episcopal church.
Love the re-telling of the story from Trinity Santa Barbara.
It was great to have been a part of the life of that church.
Wonderful article. I was reminded of the time in the “ mid - oughts” when our Assistant Rector’s partner had been put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy and our Assistant Rector was deferring marriage because she wanted to be married in an Episcopal church by an Episcopal priest and our Bishop had not come around yet. Someone reminded her that if anything happened to her partner she would not have custody of their baby. So they ended up being married by an Episcopal priest over the telephone from her partner’s hospital room! Fortunately this story has a happy ending - baby was born healthy and both mamas and baby are doing well and thriving.
Thank you for your recognizing the need for loving perseverance. And the joy of openly expressing love for all God’s children. God grant me the love and perseverance to attend to the needs and actions of other’s who will skew this act of equality and justice in favor of Christian Nationalism. But for now Thanks and Praise.
Thank you, Diana, - and those who have commented already - for the recognition that Love never stops Loving and changes the world. The signing of the Respect for Marriage Act is case in point.
Never stop loving!
It is important to see the holy and prophetic in the ordinary. Your article does that. Thank you.
Some years back, the question came up as to whether or not same sex couples could be married in our Disciples of Christ/Christian Church congregation. The response was an amazing open conversation. Everyone who had ever been called to be an elder (about a hundred people) was invited to a meeting with the three ordained ministers. Everyone who wanted to speak was allowed a turn. The ministers emphasized that this church has only two sacraments: baptism and communion. (And communion is open to anyone who wants to take it.) But there are many, many other kinds of activities, celebrations and memorials that are held within the building. All couples who wish to be married in the building must receive premarital counseling from one of the ministers and attend services of this church for at least a month. During the counseling period that minister working with the couple may help them to decide whether to go through with the wedding - or may decide that they are not yet ready to make that commitment. The ministers agreed that any couple who wished to be married in that church building would be held to the same requirements and guidelines (including expenses for preparing and cleaning the sanctuary). I kept dreading the moment that all this would come to a "yes" or "no" vote. But that didn't happen. The group came to a strong consensus that it would be up to each minister, in the course of the premarital counseling, to decide if they would be comfortable performing the ceremony for this couple. None of them are against LGBTQ+ marriages per se, but they do keep seriously the mutual commitment of any marriage. I love my congregation so much!!
We are called to serve others and not judge. Why is it so important that we allow the judging of others left to God? Because when we judge we place hatred in our hearts. You cannot serve someone you have judged. That is the very heart of oppression; deciding your right and the other is wrong. From my own personal relationship with God I believe in man/woman marriage. We are put on this earth to procreate. Why? Because we need the support of families. Another thing we’ve allowed the church to say doesn’t matter. I also wonder why we are letting people believe the most important thing in life is sex. Serving God, creating families and relationships. These are gifts.