TODAY’S Advent Calendar reflection reminds us that doubt is an important part of the faith journey. If you are struggling this season, know you are not alone. These are difficult times that raise enormous questions about God’s presence and love — questions I reflect on frequently without arriving at satisfactory answers. But Advent presses into the emptiness of the frozen world. Indeed, December 10 should be a kind of holy day of doubt and maybe even deconstruction! Keep reading to find out why.
I hope you’ll find consolation in today’s offering. This piece originally appeared at Beliefnet in 2009, adapted from a People’s History of Christianity.
Window 10
Emily Dickinson, the poet of exquisite doubt, was born today in 1830.
Progressive faith makes room for doubt. In many ways, Dickinson should be
considered the patron saint of ambiguous Christianity. She grew up in revivalist New England, where she several times flirted with her peers’ evangelical religion and
attempted to have a conversion experience. Evangelical Christianity, however, never took. Ultimately, she refused to confess the faith, ceased attending church, and transformed the language of doubt into her primary language for God. She
explained her religious experience as “a loss of something ever felt I–/The
first that I could recollect/bereft I was–of what I knew not.”
One of her biographers writes of this as Dickinson’s “disenchantment,” something that few of her contemporaries experienced but that would become a widespread phenomenon in the twentieth century. Another describes Dickinson as “the Cheshire Cat” of doubt who welcomed ambiguity “playfully” and embraced an unsettled version of Christianity that “doubts as fervently as it believes.” Certainly, Emily Dickinson wrote for a sort of spirituality in which doubt and faith existed in a paradoxical relationship.
Nowhere was the paradox more grace-filled than her depiction of Jesus as “the Tender Pioneer,” a compelling figure worthy of both imitation and love:
Life–is what we make it–
Death–We do not know–
Christ’s acquaintance with Him
Justify Him–though–
He–would trust no stranger–
Other–could betray–
Just His own endorsement–
That–sufficeth Me–
All the other Distance
He hath traversed first–
No New Mile remaineth–
Far as Paradise–
His sure foot preceding–
Tender Pioneer–
Base must be the Coward
Dare not venture–now–
(#698)
Of faith, Dickinson wrote, “On subjects of which we know nothing, or should I say Beings, we both believe, and disbelieve a hundred times an Hour, which keeps Believing nimble.”
Thank you, Emily, on this your birthday, for making belief — and doubt — an art.
From Beliefnet, December 10, 2009; and adapted from A People’s History of Christianity
My God, I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd my heart, afraid to uncover them because of the blasphemy. If there be God, please forgive me. When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul. I am told God loves me, and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great, nothing touches my soul.
— Mother Teresa, also known as Saint Teresa of Calcutta
The Cottage ADVENT CALENDAR is free and open to all. If you feel called to financially contribute to this work, there are two ways to support The Cottage this December.
If you give a year gift subscription during December, you will receive a copy of my book Grateful in token of my appreciation.
During this entire month, 25% of ALL paid subscriptions (gifts, first time subscriptions, and upgrades) will go to support Rising Hope, a local ministry in my Alexandria neighborhood (about two miles from my house!) that serves immigrants, low-income families, the food insecure, and those without shelter. They are an amazing community - one of genuine courage and compassion.
Jesus himself, crucified and near death, gave voice to the question many people overwhelmed by pain ask: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Jesus’ question, like ours, was not answered in the moment. Even he was forced to confront doubt. But his agonized uncertainty was not evidence of faithlessness; it was a sign of his humanity.
— Peter Wehner
The road to faith after doubt is often lonely. But beyond the loneliness, you discover a place of solidarity where everything is sacred and everything belongs, including your doubts and including you.
— Brian McLaren
An Advent Event
Shane Claiborne has picked Freeing Jesus as the December book of the Red Letter Christian Book Club! Read the book and join us in conversation via ZOOM on December 19 at 7pm. This is a free event. Click here for information and the sign-up link.
I really resonate with this window. Thank you for this.
“Tender Pioneer” - nimble faith, expansive energies enough to include darkest doubt…powerful reminder. Thank you, Emily and Diana!