"It used to be an accommodation. But now? Niceness seems positively counter-cultural and radical." -- And isn't that a table-turning transformation? Grace at work; the Spirit constantly on the move, mysteriously so.
Beautiful! My Mother embodied niceness and being like Jesus to me and everyone she came in contact with. If we were all like that, the world would be a wonderful place!
When I think of being nice, I think about being hospitable, with a heavy dose of Ephesians 4:29 (“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”
NRSV). In the mid-70’s I was a major college track athlete and before my races I would greet each runner in my race and say, “God bless you,” and/or other words meant to bless. I wasn’t trying to be nice, just hospitable, but I remember once a competitor replied, “You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever run against.” I didn’t win more races than I won, and I never felt less competitive, but I remember his comment readily, moreso than nearly all of my victories. We know what “nice” means. Why can’t we practice it the many ways we all know? What do we have to lose?
I couldn’t help but think of Paul’s lists of the fruits of the Spirit as you laid out those words. They are beautiful words, wonderful words of life. May they find fertile ground for a new harvest.
Many of the words I hear people use now days have been corrupted or are being used with one of the further down the list of definitions if used. Nice is probably one of them, civil, civility , in conversations are others. I have come to believe that if we go into conversations wanting to understand especially on hard topics we must be nice, civil, as we LISTEN,to the other person. We have been thru such a time of yelling about what is wrong and not listening to what is wrong and right. Listening , being civil, being nice being respectful, to others may lead to understanding and positive living for the human race as well as the rest of living things. No not a quick solve even in a life time but can we start being nice, civil , and kind, loving in our interactions and longer conversations. We will get to the hard questions if we are.
Nice? As a female growing up in the 1960's, that was assumed of me. That word does feel socially scripted, and way too much of what passes for social respect in Minnesota where I live. I prefer the word kindness - which is, for me, about moving in the world with compassion and empathy first, judgment, correction and action second. Can't get anything done if we can't hear, respect, and be comfortable around one another.
I've got to admit that, even after reading your essay, "nice" still tastes bitter in my mouth. Perhaps I'm a bit too formed by Hauerwas. Perhaps I too often heard my mother telling me to deny my feelings when she told me to "be nice." On the other hand, I look forward to reading Bruce ReyesChow's "In Defense of Kindness" with the hopes that "kindness" won't taste as bitter and I'll find a way to speak truth to power kindly.
Bravo! Welcome words. As one steeped in "nice" midwest culture I was taught to think about the impact of every word on another. I am frequently appalled at what I hear.
Several Years ago, I held a position at the heart of the British political arena and was persuaded by several senior politicians to run for political office myself. I fought a seat in the elections to the European Parliament, and after a two-year campaign was unsuccessful. Feeling dejected and rejected, I went to stay with my parents to recharge myself where I was able to also spend some time with my political sponsor, retired former Prime Minister, Lord Home of the Hirsel. In conversation with him, he shared that ad he watched my campaign over the two years he had noted that I had never hit back negatively against my opponents, staying focused on the issues and the benefits from a conservative approach to the European Common Market. "In other words," he said, "you were too nice to get elected." As this was echoed by my parents and several friends it saddened me to think that to be elected politically one had to be negative and nasty. So much for public service. Fortunately, twenty years later, having moved to the US, I was able to find myself serving as a hospital chaplain and pastoral associate here in Ferguson where to be 'nice' is viewed positively not negatively. Our politicians, broadcasters, journalists, and social media afficianados, might benefit from being nicer to others, so that others can be nicer to them.
this post is maybe more powerful than you intended but I think it needs to go further. My husband's Mom wrote on their family blackboard "smile and be kind always". Frankly that drove me nuts, my own background included war protest and civil rights work. It seemed to me to be instruction to diffuse, even to shame. Part and parcel to -- be a nice girl. Now, many years later we have that written on a blackboard in our kitchen and there is a truth to carry in it. But. But, there is a truth to civil disobedience, to protest, to truth-telling, to bystander responsibility. So I would ask you to write another post on the larger fabric which includes nice. That larger fabric is civility. I will go to a public discussion on Critical Race Theory this evening. Some of my dear friends will be there because they feel threatened. I will be there to say, with civility, let's begin the journey to real reconciliation, to repair. And I will be nice, but I will also state difficult thoughts.
"It used to be an accommodation. But now? Niceness seems positively counter-cultural and radical." -- And isn't that a table-turning transformation? Grace at work; the Spirit constantly on the move, mysteriously so.
Beautiful! My Mother embodied niceness and being like Jesus to me and everyone she came in contact with. If we were all like that, the world would be a wonderful place!
When I think of being nice, I think about being hospitable, with a heavy dose of Ephesians 4:29 (“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”
NRSV). In the mid-70’s I was a major college track athlete and before my races I would greet each runner in my race and say, “God bless you,” and/or other words meant to bless. I wasn’t trying to be nice, just hospitable, but I remember once a competitor replied, “You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever run against.” I didn’t win more races than I won, and I never felt less competitive, but I remember his comment readily, moreso than nearly all of my victories. We know what “nice” means. Why can’t we practice it the many ways we all know? What do we have to lose?
I couldn’t help but think of Paul’s lists of the fruits of the Spirit as you laid out those words. They are beautiful words, wonderful words of life. May they find fertile ground for a new harvest.
The Dalai Lama was quoted as saying that "Kindness is my Religion".
Your "be nice" musings also remind me of what it means to be neighborly, as in the story of:The Good Samaritan.
It does take effort and how far can we take that concept?
Many of the words I hear people use now days have been corrupted or are being used with one of the further down the list of definitions if used. Nice is probably one of them, civil, civility , in conversations are others. I have come to believe that if we go into conversations wanting to understand especially on hard topics we must be nice, civil, as we LISTEN,to the other person. We have been thru such a time of yelling about what is wrong and not listening to what is wrong and right. Listening , being civil, being nice being respectful, to others may lead to understanding and positive living for the human race as well as the rest of living things. No not a quick solve even in a life time but can we start being nice, civil , and kind, loving in our interactions and longer conversations. We will get to the hard questions if we are.
Nice? As a female growing up in the 1960's, that was assumed of me. That word does feel socially scripted, and way too much of what passes for social respect in Minnesota where I live. I prefer the word kindness - which is, for me, about moving in the world with compassion and empathy first, judgment, correction and action second. Can't get anything done if we can't hear, respect, and be comfortable around one another.
Thank you, Good reminding of the positive of nice.
I've got to admit that, even after reading your essay, "nice" still tastes bitter in my mouth. Perhaps I'm a bit too formed by Hauerwas. Perhaps I too often heard my mother telling me to deny my feelings when she told me to "be nice." On the other hand, I look forward to reading Bruce ReyesChow's "In Defense of Kindness" with the hopes that "kindness" won't taste as bitter and I'll find a way to speak truth to power kindly.
Bravo! Welcome words. As one steeped in "nice" midwest culture I was taught to think about the impact of every word on another. I am frequently appalled at what I hear.
Several Years ago, I held a position at the heart of the British political arena and was persuaded by several senior politicians to run for political office myself. I fought a seat in the elections to the European Parliament, and after a two-year campaign was unsuccessful. Feeling dejected and rejected, I went to stay with my parents to recharge myself where I was able to also spend some time with my political sponsor, retired former Prime Minister, Lord Home of the Hirsel. In conversation with him, he shared that ad he watched my campaign over the two years he had noted that I had never hit back negatively against my opponents, staying focused on the issues and the benefits from a conservative approach to the European Common Market. "In other words," he said, "you were too nice to get elected." As this was echoed by my parents and several friends it saddened me to think that to be elected politically one had to be negative and nasty. So much for public service. Fortunately, twenty years later, having moved to the US, I was able to find myself serving as a hospital chaplain and pastoral associate here in Ferguson where to be 'nice' is viewed positively not negatively. Our politicians, broadcasters, journalists, and social media afficianados, might benefit from being nicer to others, so that others can be nicer to them.
Really thought provoking and powerful post. Thanks.
Before my mother died at age 90, I asked her how she wanted to be remembered. She said," I want people to remember that I was nice."
A nice word nicely written! Thanks for including the note about Covid and masks.
Point taken. Thank you!! I am moving to TX pray I can learn how to be NICE to so many Trump and Ted Cruz supporters!
Amy ideas???
this post is maybe more powerful than you intended but I think it needs to go further. My husband's Mom wrote on their family blackboard "smile and be kind always". Frankly that drove me nuts, my own background included war protest and civil rights work. It seemed to me to be instruction to diffuse, even to shame. Part and parcel to -- be a nice girl. Now, many years later we have that written on a blackboard in our kitchen and there is a truth to carry in it. But. But, there is a truth to civil disobedience, to protest, to truth-telling, to bystander responsibility. So I would ask you to write another post on the larger fabric which includes nice. That larger fabric is civility. I will go to a public discussion on Critical Race Theory this evening. Some of my dear friends will be there because they feel threatened. I will be there to say, with civility, let's begin the journey to real reconciliation, to repair. And I will be nice, but I will also state difficult thoughts.